We
all live in the constant hope of happiness. We don’t want the good things in
our life to go away, and we want the negative, intrusive thoughts and actions
to keep their distance and stay away. However, sometimes, things don’t go
according to plan, and they don’t fall in place like we would want them to.
Exams go bad, the new episode isn’t as good as you expected, people leave;
basically, shit happens. There are certain situations which aren’t in your
control, especially when it involves other human beings. I mean, sure, people
promise a lot of things, but they don’t always keep those promises. People who
you’d never expect to leave or act a certain way prove you wrong, and you’re
left with the shreds of your hopes and, well, disappointment.
When
you’re accustomed to things happening in a certain way, and if they suddenly
change, you’re bound to feel discontented. It happens, it is just human nature.
Say, a teacher has suddenly started being very mean to you when you’re used to
being treated decently. It’s a sudden change. Or say, someone very close to you
suddenly takes a 180 degree turn, for no apparent reason, and now treats you
like absolute crap. You’re bound to be confused, disgruntled, malcontent, and
that is okay. It is normal to feel so. You’re going to look for things you can
do right. You’ll try to talk it out to that friend, asking them how you can
make things right, apologising even if you know there isn’t really anything
evident you need to apologise for, because you’re just plain confused. You’ll
suck up to the teacher; do everything in your capacity that you’re expected of
to just get in her good books. You know you need those marks to pass in your
finals.
However,
sometimes, things just don’t work out. You cannot control people or their actions;
you can only control how you feel about them and what you do about them. So,
teachers are gonna be mean, you just have to put your head down and do your
work and hope for the best. They’re superior to you. You cannot do much about
it any way. About friends… well, you can try to make things right till a
certain amount of time, but after a while you just have to stop and look out
for your own.
I’ve
seen some crappy situations myself. I’ve seen best friends become strangers who
don’t even acknowledge each other on the streets. Yes, some times this change
happens over time. Relationships fade, until only a remnant of what it was
remains in your memory. You get acclimatized to those situations. Sometimes,
people abruptly leave and you’re left angry and sad and confused as to what
happened. You try to fix it, but you realise that you’re just hurting yourself
in the process.
Well,
you cannot change people. You cannot control them; you cannot dictate what they
think and how they behave. What you can change, though, are your reactions to
these situations. Realising that there are some situations you can do nothing
about is hard. You try hard, you keep trying to sort things out, you keep
thinking about what went wrong, but you end up reaching the conclusion that it
takes two people to repair and maintain a relationship, be it about love or
family or friendship. I know what I am talking about because I am stuck in a
similar situation currently. Obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing about
it.
So
here is what I am gonna do, and here is what you should do if you’re stuck in a
state where you just cannot seem to let go of someone or something… breathe.
Just
breathe, and think if you have better things to worry about. Your grades, your
family, your health, your work pressures, the people who actually do care about
you. Think about them, and think about how all of your thinking and
self-negating will affect them in the long run. Consider the fact that whatever
you’re going through currently might really not matter in the future, and
you’re just wasting precious time currently which you could put in a better
use, by, say, reading something new or meeting some old friends. If you need a
little reinforcement, just ask yourself this: ‘Will this situation matter, five
years down the line?’ if the answer is no, you really don’t want to sweat it
out.
Prioritize.
You need to realise that you are meant to be your first priority. When you give
someone else the power to intrude your thoughts and make your emotional system
a big mess of unwanted neurotransmitters, you put yourself down. Just take some
time and retrain your mind to think about you first. You are meant to look out
for you. Fuck everything else. Take that walk, watch that movie, eat that
goddamn cupcake. Give yourself some well-deserved love.
Give it time. Things don’t necessarily get
better, but you get used to it. However, if you keep picking at that wound
before the scab even starts to fall, you’re gonna keep it fresher for a long
time. Let it stay. Let it sink in. Let the fact that something is not in your
hands and you can do nothing about it register in your cortex forever. That
stuff is meant to hurt, it is meant to eat you from the inside, and it will.
You will suffer, but you will not look for a scapegoat and you will come out
stronger on the other side. Or, on the rare occasion that it happens, people
will come back to you. I won’t count on that, but there have been instances
where that has happened.
You’re
not timid or stupid to feel a certain way. You are okay. The way you deal with
it is what makes all the difference in the world. People do care, but at the
end of the day you’re the one who is going to heal yourself. You’re strong, and
you’ll be okay. Trust yourself more than you trust anyone else and you’re good
to go. :)
