Letting go? Not so easy!

   Letting go... According to some wise-jack, getting angry over something,  getting sad and crying.. All is worthless. Sometimes just letting go of something helps you actually move on with life and go on to better things.

   Eh, well, screw that.

   Letting go? Moving on? All this sounds good, but when you actually attempt to do it you get pretty much jacked.

   Sounds bad? Feels worse.

   Okay... Imagine this. There's something (or someone) which you've wanted for a long time. A really long time. Suddenly, one day, you realize that what you wanted is an impossible dream, and there's no possible way on Earth you can get that(except maybe in a parallel universe).

   Basically it comes to a stage where you've got no choice but to move ahead.

   When you try to move on.. It seems impossible to!

   Let me give you an example.

   There was this girl... She liked a guy. Liked him to the point of insanity, actually. She behaved absolutely knuckle-headedly when it came to him, was totally vulnerable to whatever he said. One day, she realised that the guy was not worth it. Repeated actions of his, like stopping talking to her, blocking ways in which she could contact him made it pretty obvious that he was definitely not worth wasting time upon.

   So this girl should leave the guy and go on with her life right?

   Well, she tried. She deleted his number (no use: she remembered it anyhow), stopped talking about him, stopped doing anything that reminded her of him. Obviously, he was not talking to her due to some stupidity that had happened (it wasn't even relevant anymore; stuff happened and stuff got resolved) so talking to him wasn't in the picture.

   She lived her life happily for 10 days or so and started having relapses. Oh, as usual, she told herself. Relapses were a common part of her life and she had one almost in a week or so. After a generally strong one, she went back to the guy, grovelled pathetically in front of him and tried to get their friendship back on track. Always a one-sided effort. Nevermind whose fault it was. As long as she was getting that guy back in her life, she was ready to do anything.

   Sounds really bad doesn't it?

   Well... She tries to let the past go. She tries to forget everything that happened. Maybe she never got closure over the issue... Maybe she thought she could work everything out.

   Or maybe she was a big fat knucklehead who needed a good beating down. Who knows?

   There are some things... Some situations which you know are unhealthy for you and which you desperately need to let go of. You know they're affecting your life. Everyone has such things.

   Letting go is the option... Just how exactly you let go of it remains a mystery. We probably need another genius wise jack to explain that.

Shivaji Park

My blog started off on a very weird note, you know. I wrote about an internet creep when usually people write about themselves, or their best friends, or something which is quite dear to them. Well, as weird as it was, I guess I should write something about myself... As in something dear to me... I kinda wanted to write about a place... And what better place to write about than Shivaji Park!

For those who don't know, Shivaji Park comes in Dadar west. It is a huge ground, where people play football, cricket, where on the entrance a bhelpuri wala bhaiyya used to sell his stuff.. And encircling the ground is a walking area where people jog, loiter... Sit, gossip... There's also this Narali Baag (Coconut Garden as non-marathis would call it) from where you can see the beach.. Where there's proper place to sit and talk.. Where in corners, if you snoop around, you can see couples doing... Umm... Stuff!

This place holds many memories for me. I used to go there every other day during my SSC vacations! Just loiter around with my friends... Eat... Walk the crap out... It used to be fun you know! After we got our SSC result a huge gang of ours went to Narali baag to celebrate, sort of.. We clicked pictures like crazy over there! And we took videos... That was a really good day..!

There's also this one peculiarity, whenever I go to the park. I always meet or see someone I know! It is like there's always someone or the other present there.. And I end up accidentally seeing them! Let me give you an example... Just 2 days ago I went there with my aunt and uncle. I was roaming around and I took them to Narali baag.. And thee I saw a friend of mine! He waved out to me from there.. And then again when we were coming out I saw a guy from my college there! It always happens! I end up seeing someone or the other I know..!

Shivaji park was also my stalking place. Well, not exactly STALKING... My crush boy used to (or maybe still does, I won't know) play football over there. Whenever I went with my friends my eyes always used to be peeled to the ground to see if he's around.. and 75% of the times I went there I used to see him! Call it luck or calculated planning, it always did happen! Even if he was in the middle of the ground, I used to recognize  him by the way he used to stand and by the way he used to walk really! Those were good times...

There isn't a single memory with the park I can describe! There have been many incidents with friends.. Fooling around with them... Sitting on the 'katta' and gossiping.. Having heart-to-heart talks.. Waiting for my crush to walk by.. If he accidentally does, trying to control my friends' catcalls.. Trying to see hot guys.. Eating Tibbs ka frankie and having Naturals ka ice-cream... I miss all those good old days!

Even today, whenever I have to meet someone, I tell them "let's meet at SP"..! It's a place which is close to my heart and will always stay there! :D 

Expectations

Sometimes, life hits you in the head with a brick. And you don;t really know what to do after that, you know. And then someone comes with a band-aid, and helps you out. And you feel 'oh, this person is so sweet! He/She'll always be there with a band-aid for me!'
And that's when the niggling worm of expecting stuff from people comes in your head...
Well, to tell it frankly, I had stopped expecting from people at a point. I mean I had reached a conclusion that people are born to disappoint me. Hell, I had been disappointed by people whom I considered so damn close. I cried a little but then finished it off. Hell, people are meant to disappoint you. No one was able to get through me at a point.
However, even if your calciferous covering (read shell) is extremely strong, there's always a stronger hammer in existence. Sometimes some people get hold of that hammer and break it... And you have no choice but to let them in.
AND then the vicious cycle starts again...
Sometimes, you end up trusting some people to such an extent that you just can't fathom the fact that they'll ever hurt or disappoint you. They probably don't mean to do it... But your hopes just rise too high regarding them and you go over the board and fell angry or sad even if they behave even a little bit out of what you'd thought they'd behave. All promises are made to be kept (most of them anyway) but sometimes then due to certain unavoidable situations certain people aren't able to fulfill them.
At such times, generally one would say it's fine, sometimes it happens... But when you get sad or irritated at things like these from a person, you've started expecting from them.
Now I've been through this path for more times than one. And let me tell you, it has never, ever been good. For one, people don't always live up to what you'd think they will... It never always goes your way. And at times when you feel you're right in some things you just have to know that it is difficult for the other person to do it most of the times... It can also be for the fact that you probably aren't as important to the other person as they are to you. Either ways, it is always your fault because you ended up on the expectation path...
Sometimes I cook up these weird analogies you know. Expecting something out of someone can be compared to alcoholism. The same amount of alcohol doesn't give you the desired effect, you keep pouring more and more in. Same way, you keep expecting more and more till you get absolutely exhausted by the disappointment. That's when you realise that it is really your fault that you're disappointed.. Kinda akin to an alcoholic realising the fact that his habit is giving his family a tough time...
That may have been a little weird but come on.. It does kinda relate...
So, well... The point of writing all this is that I have realised that I ended up hoping for a lot more than I should have from people.. Now I don't know what reason it was that I did it.. What reason it was that they couldn't live up to their word... But I guess everyone goes through this phase of expecting something from someone and getting disappointed...
So, well, an ode to letting go of expectation and embracing acceptance..!
(that last statement was quite lame -_-)
Stay strong, keep dreaming..!

Creeps...

Internet is an amazing place. You meet new people. Get close to some... But there are some creeps lurking around which make you wonder if this place is safe or not after all...
Recently (okay not recently, 2-3 years ago, but I got active just recently) I made an account on a microblogging website and had the fortune (misfortune?) of interacting with such a creep. He was a good-looking person all right. Apparently, he was a charmer...
I remember there was one day when I'd chatted with him till 4 in the morning. I am an occasional nocturnal creature.. He, well, seemed alright..
But then one day he said something extremely creepy and I went all 'whoa what's his problem?' looking at my phone. I turned his advances down there and then and he hasn't disturbed me ever since then...
Not all people are creeps though. On that very site I found some extremely awesome people.. And we are all like a family over there. They are too good..
So I told all of them that he tried to do this crap to me..And then we realised that I wasn't the only one on which he had tried his 'charms' (he calls himself a charmer. What sort of a charmer tells a girl he barely knows for a month that he wants to talk romantic he only knows)
We kinda made a plan to ensnare him.. We tried.. And we thought we were going successful but it kinda turned out to be an epic fail. Nevertheless, we tried.
When I heard the sort of crap he had done to my friends I was kinda furious. He was a certified A grade cheapskate! I mean.. Who exploits his girlfriend for money every single time? He was the sort who never even had 4 rupees to pay for his bus fare it seems! He talked extremely cheap and disgusting stuff.. I mean saying crap like 'I'm lying on my bed'.. 'Oh so you're in your bed.. Can i come in? I'll kiss you here and there'...
I was like whoa man whoa! Get your hormones in control!
And you know what he wanted to talk romantic to me like a 3-4 weeks ago.. And a certain while ago i become his sister. That's the sort of degraded lowly human being he is...My entire point of posting this is to tell all the people out there, especially girls, to be careful about what you tell people on social networking sites. Some people are genuinely good while some are bastards like this ass. So keep safe, hold your head high and block such pigs if you come across them!
Keep smiling :)